Who am I, really?

I'll just use this particular opportunity to introduce myself, so to speak. I am a clinically diagnosed sex addict, of the female variety. Half my life I have been consumed with sexual desire... and if you knew how old I was you would be surprised. I'm not a teenage attention seeker, by any means, or I'd introduce myself by name. I've left my teenage, carefree years behind. I have a family who loves me and a job where I am respected, but no outlet for the "real" me. I don't have a "boyfriend" currently... I have what the world likes to call a friend with benefits, or FWB. Strangely enough, he and I have been seeing each other for over a year... and I've been more faithful to him than any real boyfriend I've ever had. Yes, I've explored a bit with others during our current run... but what he doesn't know won't hurt him, and it was only 3 times... or maybe 4. We've exchanged "I love you's," but the mystery I cannot solve is, do I really love him, or do I love the sex? I think about that a lot, but still have not come up with a clear answer. He knows me... better than anyone else. He knows my secrets and what I really think about all day long. He is the only person I can say lewd things to all day and he's not a bit surprised. Maybe it's the freedom of speech I love, it's really hard to say.

I've always wanted to write a book, based upon my experiences. I haven't built up the courage to do so, because truly... like any disease might cause someone to feel, it can be embarrassing. It's embarrassing that something so small that people toss to the side as nothing more than a pasttime can control your life. When you hear about female sex addicts, more popularly called "nymphos," it's in a very sexual light. Men want these women... they covet them as though they have the golden ticket to life. These women who claim to be sex addicts, the ones that make it "sexy," are not really sex addicts. They wouldn't know an addiction if it smacked them in the face. I want people to know what it's really like. The constant yearning, the promiscuity that is truly unintentional, the ruined relationships, the labels, the physical discomforts lack of sex can cause... and my favorite... the inability to consume alcoholic beverages without the guarantee that I'll be having sex [[to avoid the insanity I feel, the nagging voice in the back of my head, the cold sweats, the masturbation that leads to nothing but more masturbation, the aches in my bones...]]

I'm not sure anyone will ever read this... but if you do, and you wish to take this journey through my past and my current life, welcome aboard. I'll be posting as often as I can, I'm sure. Welcome to my world.