BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Once upon a time there was a girl that loved a boy. She loved him so much that she thought they would spend their entire lives together. That little girl was stupid and naive to think that, at such a young age, she had found her soulmate. She let that boy tear her apart from the inside out, and she was never to be the same again.

Some happy ending, isn't it? Well, that's not my ending but that IS my story. Thankfully, I'm still alive and still have the opportunity to change things. Some people handle that "young love" shit better than others. Me, I got hung up on it - everything that he said was wrong with me I fixed, I became obsessed with my weight, my hair, my eyebrows, my toenails, etc. Anything he ever commented on became an obsession of mine until I became overloaded with worries, self esteem issues, and Obsessive Compulsive-like rituals. I never evolved into the definition of "beautiful" that he wanted. Thank GOD that I see myself differently now, and I know that I am, in fact, beautiful the way I am. I don't have to pluck my eyebrows and trim my toenails every single day - nor do I need to be blonde - EVER, and I most certainly don't have to starve myself until I'm under 100lbs because "you can't fuck a fat chick standing up."

This blog, though it might sound like it, is not self-pitying. I just thought of all these things today because my friend is in a situation like that. She's trying to be someone she isn't because of what her "great" boyfriend thinks she should be. Maybe at one time I could understand that, but I have come past that point in my life, now I just want to beat some sense into her. Everyone makes mistakes, we make stupid decisions and we waste time in our lives on things that should never be relevant - but if I could save just one person from the hell that pretending creates, I would want it to be her. She is such a beautiful woman, with such a kind heart, and to see her bend until she breaks would be a tragedy.

If you lie to yourself enough you can start to believe it, and that is a dangerous power to have when someone else plants the seeds.

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